We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
