i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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