Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
