Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
