he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
