So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
