Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
