An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
