Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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