my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
