so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
