Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
