I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
