just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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