would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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