1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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