My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
