we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
