dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
