you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
