just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
