Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
