Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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