i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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