I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
