so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
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I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
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she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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