i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
