I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
