his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
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He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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