This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
