Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you didnt know i had herpes?
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life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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