so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am naked and annoyed.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
