Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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