mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
