Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
