All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
