Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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