i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
