Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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