i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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