Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
