And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
