I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
