I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
