1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This is the high leading the old right now
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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