From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
