You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
