and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
