Don't you send me to vm
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
