wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
