did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
where am i from again
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
