and you said cock pushups were impossible
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
