I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize