my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she pinky promised me she was 18
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
