just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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