She's JV to your varsity
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
