I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
