which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
