Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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