Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the condom got lost in my hair
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
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She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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