I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
