I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
