Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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