you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
