this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the room spins SO much faster in panama
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
