my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
